It’s been a long*, quiet winter sans kittens. People everywhere were sleeping through the night. Families were enjoying their unscathed curtains and couches. And the dogs were rejoicing.
And then…the first few sunny days hit. Weeks later, the flood has arrived.
The flood of kittens, that is. And they are here for revenge.
Look at my wee ears!
You people thought you could just “forget” about kittens and “enjoy” life without them? Not today, jerks. The kittens are here to do everything in their power to remind you. Because they have motive, and a goal.
Take THAT, evildoers.
Kittens only have a couple weapons with which to seek their retribution: sharp claws, razor teeth, and infinite amounts of cuteness.
Remember kitten bellies? Now you do.
That’s right. Kittens are weaponizing cuteness. Why, you might ask? 1) Because they can. If you’ve got it, flaunt it. 2) Kittens are master manipulators. As we enter the warmer months, thousands of kittens will be born, and those mouths need feeding.
They use their chubby kitten bellies and tiny, adorable paws to sucker you into caring for them. Yes, they do that. No, we’re not trying to manipulate you into helping care for them – we’re just passing on a message**. And you know what they say about how you should treat messengers.
We call this “kitten yoga.” It’s one of the best weapons we have.
These terrible, scheming kittens need foster homes to care for them and help them grow into Proper Adult Cats. They won’t stop terrorizing us about it, and refuse to let it go. Keep the kittens off our backs – sign up to foster.
Do it- or the hand gets it.
If fostering just isn’t in the cards right now, fret not. The kittens have promised not to exact total and outright destructive revenge as long as you do something else: send them supplies.
Yep, we can stand upright now. Let this be a warning to you, human.
Kittens are sort of like teenagers. They eat us out of house and home, and apparently “can’t get jobs” to support themselves yet, so they just mooch off of us in the meantime***. Which means as more kittens show up on our doorstep, our stock of supplies starts to dwindle. To help you out, we made a wishlist of all their favorite stuff to make it easy for you. Because we’re awesome like that.
Give me all da food – OR ELSE!
Help us escape the kitten wrath. They’re only using one of their weapons now, and we’re afraid what they’ll resort to next.
*It hasn’t been that long. We live in California, after all, so it’s been what – 12 seconds? We joke, we joke.
**We are trying to manipulate you. Did it work?
***We don’t really think of teenagers like this. In fact, most of the teenagers we’ve met are super helpful, awesome kids. Some of them even foster kittens. How’s that for full-circle?